catch22 (catch22) wrote,
catch22
catch22

I’m sitting here after spending a lot of time outside feeling the wind, watching and listening. I almost feel like I did when I’d run amuck in the orchard as a child. It was so much fun to disappear for a whole day. There was an almond tree I use to love to sit in. It had this fork about 10 feet high that I’d climb up to with plums from the tree catty corner of it and, the wind would rock the tree branch like a cradle. It was my safe spot.

So tonight I thought about why some people have tons of vivid memories and why some don’t. Does what we remember affect who we are today? Not all my memories are happy ones, some are terrifying, and some are very sad. I’ve started closing my eyes and trying to remember as far back as I can. I remember being in the hospital when I was 3 and having them pull the tape off the bandage on my side. I also think I have glimpses of things from earlier then that.

……

I remember also being at the bottom most part of my life. Though it’s not really a connection between day to day life as it is a feeling of coldness. I wonder now if that’s what it feels like to lock life up inside. Maybe everything has it’s own containers, and you choose to or accidentally knock over a container and dump out it’s contents. Maybe it’s wrong to pick it up immediately before playing with what has been newly dumped on the carpet in your mind.
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