catch22 (catch22) wrote,
catch22
catch22

Bleh

I have come to the point of making a decision. After martial arts I realized how thin I usually spread myself. Why can't we keep everything close that we love? Sometimes I wish that someone set me down when I was a kid and asked me what the one thing I wanted to accomplish was. Being music, school, art, martial arts, sports, etc. Then that was my main focus. Right now I feel like I'm on ice, and trying to walk. Picture the scene from Bambi.

Anyway. I've narrowed it down. I've got three slots in my life. Education, Family, and ?

I have always been a jockIt was to the point where I had a six pack for abs, and an awesome back, legs, etc. This was when I worked out 2 hours a day, ran 5 miles every other day, and swam 1000 meters every day. I had a lot of repressed anger. Some days I'd work the bag for 2 or 3 hours. I need another bag.. The thing with anger, is it burns itself outeventually.right now I'm in that phase. Actually in the end of that phase. I've never known life without that anger. Maybe 6 years ago. It's like being past the storm at last. That's the way my life has been for the last 6 years. The storm, the eye of the storm, the storm again, and now quiet. What comes after the quiet? Do I go back to the point I was at before my life went to hell in a hand basket? Or do I start over? When I was in the eye of the storm I thought. Salvage what's left, and then rebuild. That didn't work. What I have learned, is how emotions work. How society works. To many things to be mentioned. You get to be privy to things when you're on the outside looking in. God I can't concentrate right now. Back to the original point. Do I go with the study of martial arts, and the physical or do I go with the self-expressive sideMusic/writing/etc.

I'm probably gonna redo this when I can think straight.

Until next time be good to each other.
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