I'm slightly amused by what I've seen today. Mainly the amount of chocolate I have consumed, I'm not a big chocolate fan, but it tasted good today. Ok enough doddling
I was thinking about love today. I think I understand it. Cause it hasn't left yet. I cried tonight at Miss Saigon...partly cause it was a very touching moment the other part becaues I got a whole different meaning from the lyrics in the song. "A song, played on a solo saxophone, a crazy song, a lonely song, a sigh, that tells us love, goes on and on, played on a solo saxophone, it's telling me to hold you tight and dance like it's the last night of the world." It made me think about what this buddist I talked to this morning was saying, Live is a whole bunch of moments. The thing is If we have a whole bunch of moments and we are all connected. How can you let go of any of the moments you share? I don't know that you ever do, most get shoved deep down into some dark obscure place.
I felt alive tonight. I love the theatre...I need to get back involved in it. I think that was the only time I was really happy in college. I remember having a friend come down to see the Mikado (I was assistant stage manager) and after the show we went to a cast party and we danced swing to Cherry poppin daddies and big bad voodoo daddies all night. There's something magic about a theatre. I know what it is now. I can't get this smile off my face.
I'm alot warmer. You know how you're cold but you're not cold. It's not a shivering cold, but when you close your eyes and all you see is cold. I'm not cold anymore. There's this warmth that's there when I reach out for it. And it radiates through my whole body. When do we lose that? When do we find it again?
I love feeling again. That's the lamest sounding sentence, but it's true. I remember when I didn't feel anything. I didn't hurt but I didn't feel either. Now it's like I'm coming out of hibernation....I'm coming into my own. This time I'm not letting go. I use to think maybe what people saw was right, but it's only partly right. So I trust myself more.
Being alone doesn't really scare me anymore, it didn't then people were scared I'd wander around by myself, and I got scared too. Now I've taken to wandering around alone again. I missed it. YOu don't know what your missing by not taking a walk down town at dusk.
It's all about little plans and completing those I think.