catch22 (catch22) wrote,

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You know those days when you're realize you're wallowing in self pity. Today is one of those days. I am really drained, and I've been all week. except I can't sleep. I think tuesday I'm going to talk to the dr about sleeping habits and possibly see about doing a jump start on my sleep sched when I go home and away from pagers and what not. I feel like I did when I would hit the wall in training. There was always one I could get past in a season, but then there was a second one that would flatten me like a pancake...I'd end up getting sick at this point.

So I've really done some thinking about why this is a problem. I know where the broken parts are I think now I'm almost in a position where I can fix them. I had a friend who said I was scared, hurt and lonely. I'm not really any of those totally. I think I'm just realizing I don't have to settle for what I have. I mean I am glad for what I have but is it what I want? I think the problem is I don't know what I want, and so I don't see any point in fixing what I have. I think this is a learned behavior it's dumb and it's time to stop it. The thing is I know what's broken it's a matter of making the right jump to fix it.

So the plan for the rest of this week till AZ is this. Fridy fly home, and sleep,

Get cat
Work Party
Organize work space and make week's todo list
Do laundry
Plan scripts to get dumbass off my back

Clean house
Wrap presents for hometown holidays
Christmas shop
Work on scripts

Do fitness eval
work late to make up for tuesday
Pitch plan

Get thing cut out of my body

I can't think further ahead then this except to thow clothes bag pack up misc personal stuff and go to bed.
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