catch22 (catch22) wrote,
catch22
catch22

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You know those days when you're realize you're wallowing in self pity. Today is one of those days. I am really drained, and I've been all week. except I can't sleep. I think tuesday I'm going to talk to the dr about sleeping habits and possibly see about doing a jump start on my sleep sched when I go home and away from pagers and what not. I feel like I did when I would hit the wall in training. There was always one I could get past in a season, but then there was a second one that would flatten me like a pancake...I'd end up getting sick at this point.

So I've really done some thinking about why this is a problem. I know where the broken parts are I think now I'm almost in a position where I can fix them. I had a friend who said I was scared, hurt and lonely. I'm not really any of those totally. I think I'm just realizing I don't have to settle for what I have. I mean I am glad for what I have but is it what I want? I think the problem is I don't know what I want, and so I don't see any point in fixing what I have. I think this is a learned behavior it's dumb and it's time to stop it. The thing is I know what's broken it's a matter of making the right jump to fix it.

So the plan for the rest of this week till AZ is this. Fridy fly home, and sleep,

Sat:
Get cat
Work Party
Organize work space and make week's todo list
Do laundry
Plan scripts to get dumbass off my back

Sunday:
Clean house
Wrap presents for hometown holidays
Christmas shop
Work on scripts

Monday:
Do fitness eval
work late to make up for tuesday
Pitch plan

Tuesday:
Get thing cut out of my body

I can't think further ahead then this except to thow clothes bag pack up misc personal stuff and go to bed.
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