catch22 (catch22) wrote,

Rambling thoughts

It's funny. I'm falling asleep and talking to a friend of mine from high school. I once said love was the most beautiful thing ever. This was when I was waiting for prince charming to come along. Then reality hit me with a large 2 x 4 across the face. Now after recovering from that love still is the most beautiful thing ever. But it's not the love that ends in 2.4 kids a house and a dog.

I'm lucky to have seen love. So I know what I'm looking for now. The more I watch and try the more I whittle this thing I'm looking for to a fine point. Though I don't think it'll ever be exact.

I love someone again. But the thing is, that it's the kind that if it was over tomorrow and I never saw him again, then I would remember my life was blessed for ever having him wander through in the first place.

I think it's dependence on a person which is bad for relationship, but only to the point where there is more dependence necessary then what love and trust need to survive. It is true we are not an island, but finding someone doesn't mean losing all of what made you a unique person.

I keep myself pretty walled off right now, save for the small holes in the wall...I keep searching for the answer to the nightmares. These are ones that end in sadness and anger and are the reason why I won't seriously date. I'm torn between two schools of thought. Waiting for the long slow healing to take place or taking some duct tape and trying again. Meh going to sleep now.
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