catch22 (catch22) wrote,

A theory or something

Ever wander through life wondering what the point of certain events are? I think I figured out why I went through for the last 6 years. Shit happens. Afterwards you deal. Then you can learn to duck next time or get bitch slapped again. I remember certain conversations from this time period. One that jumps to mind currently was one I had with some complete stranger in a coffeehouse near the University. I use to wonder why I was in Kearney. I still don't know the answer, but I don't regret going. Or staying after opportunities came up for me to transfer. But that's another story. Anyway, I was sitting with this dude�and we started talking about school and stuff. I gave him my theory on what Grades really mean. Any moron can get an A and learn nothing from the course�. You do the dance and play the rules. This I proved to myself in High School we talked and he said the secret to learning wasn't the course. It was the teachers. Find the teacher who offers part of himself in teaching, and you find you learn more then what is in the book. Theater was great for this. Stan Kaye was one of those teachers. Then I had a calling again� To be a healer. I had this calling before my life got flipped upside down. I'm not sure what this means. But I'm searching. I think everyone has a calling and these callings are general or something. Free will comes into play then. I don't think people are happy if they turn their back on their calling.

Back to the healer part. Being that I get to go out into the real world, and get a real job and such, I've been trying to figure out where I'm going, where I've been, etc. What is a healer? Doctor comes to mind. Writer and friend as well as other titles. I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. But there is a draw.

These past 6 years�.My theory (that kinda for lack of a better term bitch slapped me the other day) is the following. We are made up of 3 parts spiritual (belief system) emotional and physical. To die you have to let go of all three. This is done knowingly or unknowingly YMMV. However if one dies the other two can some how jumpstart the third if they are in tact. The longer this process takes to start, the harder it is to do it�since the two that aren't dead suffer from the lack of the third. (it's the domino effect.) This explains a lot.


Spiritually controls our mind and thought process. This includes religion, which can be generalized as a belief system. If this suffers, our emotional side and physical side suffer. The whole depression thing kicks in. This is what I think happens to people who suffer from "mental illness" It's also the reason why it is so dangerous to attack ones belief system. I had a professor who thought the whole point of college was to change the thought process. Unless it's replaced, you just threw a monkey wrench into that person's life. The sexual revolution is a good example of this. Prior to it, there was a set belief system in main stream America. Then the younger generations throughout this belief system and didn't replace it with anything solid of their own. (I'm being overly simplistic) Thus you have a lot of dazed and confused people wandering around. By all means I'm not judging this as good or bad. I really don't know and I really don't think I'll ever be qualified.

Emotionally controls the emotions. This is where my life ties in to this theory. See I believed I've died emotionally. When that happens you don't give a damn about anything.if the spiritually and physical is in tact, you know you should, but there's that nothingness. This is where I view most suicidal people are. The jumpstart for this is there's a point where you have to decide to live or die. For me�.well I'm still here. In retrospect I think I'm at the top of this canyon, back at square one again, with the only thing being different is the fair amount of scarring, and experience under my belt. Someday I should write about this.

Physically controls the body. This explains people surviving through deadly diseases etc. The will to live. I watched my grandfather fight brain cancer. When he gave up, the changes happened over night. I still remember seeing him the day before he died, as I headed off to college, and knowing this was the last time I was going to see him. I've seen this in other people as well. Giving up. But it can be jumpstarted too. Look at near death experiences.

I guess in conclusion on this theory synop. The 3 parts of our being are kind of balanced like the equilibrium experiment done in general physics class. The experiment is as follows: Have three weights on three strings attached to a ring. Calculate the angles at which you can pull out the rod that's holding the ring steady. This theory is the same with the one difference being the experiment was static, we as beings are dynamic, so it takes constant calculation.

END of Theory

How I see this applying to my life is in the following. The three jobs that came to mind when I was talking about healing�Doctor, friend, writer. They each heal an aspect of our being. Doctor : Pysical :: friend : emotional :: writer : spiritual. The thing I've learned after coming back from my fall is that I'm more sensitive to my environment around me. (Maybe it's always been the case, and I just haven't known.) I have a friend who came to me one night 3 weeks ago with scars on his wrists. I sat there babbling with him. He's in a lot of pain and I don't know what is causing it. I have a good idea but he hasn't told me the whole story.

The next morning I realized how drained our conversation had made me. To the point where I went home early from work... I realized I can't save him. I can offer him a hand, throw him a rope. But I can't jump in and drag him to safety? I question this often as of late. The state I'm in I'm afraid I'd be unable to get both of us out. I don't know if this makes me a bad friend or not�but It's the way the cards have been put on the table. I pray for him. I hope he can find the strength to fight.

It's a hard thing to see the line between helping and forcing. You can only be so proactive before you start imposing your will on someone else. Bah, I've written too much on this. The whole point this has in my life is I have a calling to be a healer�but I guess my isn't clear-cut. I'm majoring in a technology field. Perhaps it's a bridge I have to cross on this calling.

Ok enough babble�I've got to get work done.

Until next time, be good to each other.

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