catch22 (catch22) wrote,

Delayed grief

They're collecting Teddy Bears in Kearney, to send to families in NYC. The sight of a huge box in the Student Affairs building overflowing with bears is the thing that got me. Today I cried for about 30 minutes. I never cry just randomly out in the open. It took everything to hold it back until I ran to the store and got bears to leave at work to be signed and not break down until I got home. (backing up a bit. For anyone of you who are at UNK and want to sign the cards they're in the SSS office...feel free to go sign them.) I had family who could have been victims in DC. I sit here and I don't know what to write. I can't write in anger because I'm not angry. I can't write in shock because I'm not shocked anymore. All I can think about is a verse from Styx's "Show me the way"

As I slowly drift to sleep for a moment dreams are sacred
I close my eyes and know there's peace in a world so filled with hatred
Then I wake up each morning and turn on the news to find we've got so far to go
And I keep on hoping for a sign so afraid I just won't know
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