catch22 (catch22) wrote,

Idle Nothingness

I've relized how guarded I've been with my life. My whole story is being told. The only thing is that no one knows the whole story. It's in bits and pieces. It's kinda like having a mirror that has been smashed. Everyone I meet takes a piece.

I had a person tell me I had a profound impact on their life. That scares me. I'm flattered too. Being a woman of many quotes, two come into mind with that statement.

"That pedistal is high and I'm afraid of heights."

"Be the light or the mirror reflecting the light."

I'm frightened by statements like this, no matter how flattering they are, because I don't want to lead...and this makes me a leader. When you become a leader, you become responsible for whomever follows you. This is why I hate positions of authority and very rarely get involved in conversations that risks making someone loose faith in their belief system.

Unless you have something to replace it with, you don't fuck with the belief system.

I'm rethinking this leadership idea though. I'm almost convinced that the only way my ideas change people is that they want to be changed. Then they take full responsibility for what effects their actions have on their lives. If people follow you does that make you a leader? Then are Kant, Descartes, Plato, anyone who writes ideas that can change the way we think leaders? Is our media our leader?

I think I'm going to try to write and get published and such. THe uncomfortable thing about this is not the fear of rejection, failure. It's the fear of succeeding to well. I've decided though I've got some "barbaric yawps" I'd like to make.

Enough babble tomorrow I get to work a long day.

Until next time be good to each other.
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