catch22 (catch22) wrote,

I decided

I hang out with some pretty dysfunctional folk from time to time. I've decided that my fuckwit thing is I have no self-esteem. So now that I realize this, I'm going to work on it. Thank God for friends who are bluntly honest. It's time to completely start over. After talking to this bluntly honest friend I realized, and maybe I started realizing this after events last week. I can go back. I can go back and get back some of the things I loved. The thought of acreage, horses, and being outdoors and active brings it back. I want a house and a rose garden that is more then a patch in the middle of some city. I want something where I can plant tons of roses and have them growing all over everywhere. For the past 4.5 years of my life I've been focusing on what I didn't want. Maybe that's the wrong way to look at life. So this guy, his name is Shawn, and I have this going bet. When I'm 30 and not married, and he's not married, then we're going to go get married and live in Washington. That's a nice thought. He's so way out of my league. I hope someone who deserves him sweeps him up...I wonder what would have happened if he and I had dated in Sierra Vista so many years ago...Doors open and close.

Maybe coming to NE was to teach me a lesson. I'm finally happy again. Like before going to college (which is the f*cking worst place in the world) happy. I KNOW WHAT I WANT!!! I KNOW WHAT I WHAT I WANT AND CAN START MOVING TOWARDS IT!!! I want to speak spanish fluently. I want my black belt in TaeKwonDo and Hapkido. I want to take dance lessons again. I want to be a triathlete. I want to have the passion for music that I use to have (the music in my head is back btw.) I want to visit every damn state in the US. I'll be writing stories and poems again soon for those who liked them.

Here's looking at a rising and setting sun.
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