catch22 (catch22) wrote,

What a day

I'm currently sitting here wondering what next to do in the few minutes I have before I should really be asleep. Today With my "annnoying persistance" the department I work for moved towards getting something they promised. Yay for following through *raises up a glass of beer*. I'm gonna be 13 days ahead of schedule if I put in crazy hours this week. Today wasn't bad only a 12 hour day.

I came home early. I don't like being alone in my office building at night. I get bad vibes from that whole area in general...not necess. my office building though. There are so many tangents I can go off on at the moment. Time to pick one.

The Pick of the day is a 10 minute brainstorm from my writing mag.

After the pain ceased
. Kayla tried to sit up.

"Lie still."

The flood of street lamplight flooded her eyes. She tried sitting up again and gasped as the pain came shooting back up her side, through her back, up her shoulder and to her head. The pounding was a constant reminder on how this light; this beacon of safety let her down. She tried fighting the pain once again and finally gave into the brutal beating it was dealing her.

When she came to, Kayla let her other senses adjust to her environment. There was a voice calling her softly. Somehow the overpowering smell of antiseptic filled the place. There was gentle warmth enveloping her body. For the first time she was afraid to open her eyes. The voice called her name again, this time a bit louder. Then she felt someone reaching towards her face. The instance it touched her she knocked it away. She tried to get up but gentle hands and the pain kept her down. She opened her eyes to a world of white and very blurry two faces. "Where am I?"

"Well, Doctor, she still has her reflexes." The one on the left said as let go of the grip he had on her shoulders.

"Kayla, I'm Dr. Williams. I work in the emergency room at the Good Sam hospital. You've had quite an adventure. How do you feel?"

"What happened?"

"I'm Officer Martin with the PD. You were attacked. Do you know why?"

Kayla closed her eyes in an effort to remember what happened. Nothing but a fleeting shadow passed before her eyes. "I'm sorry, I can'tI don't know."

"Officer now might not be the best time."

"Yeah, you're probably right. Kayla is it all right if I come back tomorrow? I have a few questions I need to ask you."

"Yeah I guess."

Hrm I guess 10 minutes isn't enough time. I never was very good at pressure writing.

So back to my day. I saw this guy who worked for the maitenance staff today. He just got back from short term medical leave. This man is amazing...he can fix anything, plays a mean bass guitar, and scuba dives. He's been working for the city as long as I can remember. We babbled about music. You know the sad thing about music when you are in it as a business you cease to understand the way it moves people without attaching the terminology. For example some chords sound good in a progression because they do. Take the I IV V progression (for non music people think about the Louie Louie song). The reason I never could be in music is because if you overanalyze it you sometimes kill it. I believe that the beauty of art is that it is formless. We can never even begin to concieve what the depths of it is. This is how I think of life now. If you squint your eyes and look closely they go hand in hand. I feel alive again. perhaps this is why I had to go home this summer. The safe place to heal.

This makes me wonder about the darkness I've been through. I've been wondering about that alot. It's one of those things you contemplate drinking tea on a rainy day...or in the grass as the clouds roll by.

I miss it though. I had a good friend tell me during that time that it was Stress that was killing me but I was also what lit me up. I don't know about that. I like the fight. I like to fight the fight. But as with everything there is a cost. And I think the toll collecter came...and has gone.

Now either I can learn from this or jump back in with both feet. There's no way to describe the calm I have in my life at the moment. Maybe it's worth maintaining. Maybe it's part of the healing process before you get thrown to the wolves again. I would bet on the second one. not because I'm cynical, but because it's how the world works.

The one thing I've learned though is this.

No matter what happens, they can't take away who I am unless I give it to them.

I leave with a quote.

"I'll never be constrained by, another man's ideals now."

Until next time be good to each other.

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