catch22 (catch22) wrote,

And the words came like a flood that made no sense.

I have been asked to do God's will. I have had a calling...a spific calling. I am a healer. I've been deeply wounded in the last month. Betrayed and hurt. My calling is to heal. I've helped people, and nothing gives me greater joy then doing what I was made for. I know without a shadow of doubt what I am made for. This thought has been coming for some time, it took a blow to jolt it out into existance. I can heal myself. I've been missing this for 7 years. Only then when i'm healed can I work again. This barely makes sense to me. I don't expect it to make sense to anyone else. I've decided that I can help myself and others and be completely happy in the process. This is what I think my job is now. I'm happy for it. I finally got the peace I was looking for. I feel so fake and contrived talking about God. I shouldn't but I do. I need to get rid of being overwhelmed so I can process right now. Nothing makes sense and yet it all does completely. It's happening. I'm glad. Like I said again with the mud between the toes thing. I'm scared...but in a good way. I know what I want and where I'm going and how to get it and how be happy with myself. My head hurts. I'm oddly at peace for how I should be feeling. I need to hold on to this. I need to talk to someone who understands.
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