catch22 (catch22) wrote,

The only thing I want.

The only thing I want right now, the reason I'm alone and here is I want to know myself. I don't want to just know my weaknesses but my strengths. I want to know why I tick the way i do, because after all the shit that's happened and where I thought I'd go emotionally because of it and where I have gone because of it makes no sense..that's usually the case, except one time I was onto something. I'm happy, I'm confused with alot of stuff I'm dealing with right now, but I'm happy over all. I want to know why I'm needing this whole alone time. 7ish weeks ago it would have killed me. I need to know why these dreams keep happening. I had one dream, the same exact one like 5 times within 7 hours. I need to know if my theory is true, and if it is why. Life is about learning. This is the problem, we don't learn until we repeat shit hundred of times. I guess that's how we learn...but you can only get bitch slapped so many times before it gets irritating. I know what I know, and what I want to know, and even what I need to know. This is a good thing because this means less repetition. I'm trying to step out past my boundries and that's kind of an interesting concept. I think maybe I'll keep another journal of what I'm learning from this experimentation.

My head hurts to much to finish this up tonight....I just want to prove to myself what I believe instead of taking it at face value because someone told me. I'm still lucky because the only thing that stands in the ways is doing, I've already accepted.
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