catch22 (catch22) wrote,

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I so should have bought some tiger balm.

Now that I'm awake, my brain decided to dwell again. (So Lame) I think pain makes me pissy. So I'm sitting here thinking about Ultimate tests in life, and I've decided I've pretty much failed one of them....I'm sure there's going to be summer school somewhere down the road on this lesson. Then I think about the choice I made and advice I was given which in a nutshell says, don't refuse any path that might have a lesson for you. Right now I just need to find higher ground. I mean I see lots of paths and lots of choices to which common sense would says this isn't it. The easiest thing would be to take the easy route which is already a nicely defined prim rose path, but I've always been a perfectionist and wanting to take everything one level higher. I think this is the reason I have sudden urges to go white water rafting, skydiving, and doing full contact fighting. I don't want to get to a point where I look back and find I haven't lived at all.

I mean I'm making it on my own right now which had been a goal of mine since College. As soon as I got out, I wanted to prove to myself I could make it. Then see how far I could get on my own. Some things are still works in progress, but I have a feeling those works are going to be like the original sand paintings. If you've ever seen a real one (not the ones glued to something) it's pretty amazing. Someone spent hours and hours making this thing then it gets erased to everyone who didn't see it. I want to be able to deal with this deletion, I'm soooo sentimental. I think I want my life to be more like a sand painting. The lucky ones who get to see it do see it. Then everyone else is oblivious to the creation and destruction.

The one thing that I learned in college, which I still suck at but does help, has been the meditation I learned from Sensei. I thought it was pointless before, but it really is helping me. I meditate before I sleep and for 5-10 minutes when I get up in the morning. Im sleeping better then I have in a long time. For the last 3 days I havent been totally exhausted when I wake up.

The balance thing is coming back to me. I think thats why college sucked so much, I didnt have any balance in my life. This working out is making me feel a lot better besides from the acid buildup in my musclesSince I started walking/kickboxing/etc I havent had the back pain I have had.. Im hoping the mood and frustration levels will improve too. Im getting my focus level back. I think Im feeling a lot safer. I feel more safe then I have since I left Arizona to go to college.

Two more things

******The kitty is weaned off her huge litter box and is going in a medium aluminum roasting pan that is now resting on the rim of the toilet. Theres only 2.5 coffee cups full of litter in this pan, (Not the 14 lbs that we originally started out with. Im thinking its the disinfecting the floor and tub constantly thats helping. Im hoping this gets reduced till the hole poking stage thats set for next weekend if Im here still. This is going to be sooo freaking cool if my cat actually gets toilet trained and litter free. After the 3rd consecutive day of no accidents, things look more hopeful.*********

Finally Ive picked my 2 things to focus on for the rest of the week.

1. I want to work on my patience level.
2. I want to start reading more then one or two books a week. College was kind of a drain on the reading thing too.

I sleep now again
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